Life is but a dream...

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 13:43:01 GMT

*sigh* To not have slept and still need to have energy for the morning when my precious awakens.... *sigh* I want to sleep, but my unrest is from my concern, my displeasment.... *sigh* No matter what I'm in the wrong.... No one has any idea how much it sucks to be wrong all the time.... *sigh* I just don't want to doubt anymore, I want to believe in him, I don't want to be mad... *frustrated sigh* It doesn't matter because I'm the bad guy, I'm the one making faulty decisions, that's how it's always been.... *sigh*

Promise...

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 23:46:52 GMT

He made me a promise
A promise without words
A promise in a token

He made me a promise
The promise of a future
The promise of happiness

He made me a promise
He placed it on my hand
He sealed it with a kiss

He gave me his love
He gave me his kiss
He gave me his word

He made me a promise

...when will he break it along with my heart?

Well...

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 20:44:34 GMT

Yesterday was exhausting, but it ended splendidly. I'm still in a bit of pain, nothing serious, just sore and cramping. I'll be fine, because I have the greatest support system out here. I have people who are giving me a chance to recover. People who try not to wake me when they get up to leave for work, but when they do with a kiss on my forehead, stay a few extra minutes to make sure I fall asleep in their embrace. I am happy. Truly happy. Vanessa is happy and healthy and surrounded by love, and I have found a happiness that makes me believe in love again. Life is truly good. I'm moving forward and succeeding in life.

....

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 18:42:29 GMT

...life is the short cycle of misery that comes before you choose eternal misery or eternal bliss

Do you hear what I hear?

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 21:01:07 GMT

Go ahead.
Call me a bitch,
a cunt,
a whore.
It doesn't matter,
because all I can hear from nothing is nothing.
Waste your breath,
redden your face,
raise your voice.
It doesn't matter,
because all I can hear from nothing is nothing.
Plead,
demand,
cry.
It doesn't matter,
because until you're worth something you're nothing.

New Year

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 07:37:26 GMT

I was sick. I actually spent most of my new year tending to Randy, whose ailment I shared in a lesser quality. I went to bed at around 10 pm (after a couple glasses or so of some White Zinfandel), and awoke at around 10 am this morning (and had another glass of White Zinfandel... then shared a glass of Sangria falvored Zin. by Arbour Mist). Rented a couple movies, went back to my house cuz Randy's DVD player was on the fritz, and vegged for a while. Heard a bitching from my dad, left to grab some food, returned to find my beautiful baby waiting for me at home. Played with Vanessa, put her to bed, vegged some more, and read some Calvin & Hobbes. Boring day, but a happy new year. I feel that (though I was sick) the way I started my new year was a preview of new years to come... except I'll let Vanessa stay up with me when I feel she's old enough. I pray this year will be a better one.

blush

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 22:25:15 GMT

It's a wonderful feeling, being missed.
I haven't felt this way in a while, being wanted.
It's such a nice feeling, being needed.
I like feeling this way, being loved.

Feeling. Being.

~Tenoko

Vengeful

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:59:47 GMT

Not really anymore. Though my dreams may hold violent behavior, I don't feel that need. I don't care to repay those who have hurt or betrayed me. It's expected of them, as it is expected of me to take it. I know who it is I can trust and rely on in certain aspects. I also know who I cannot. So I no longer expect any real loyalty from any one person anymore. True colors have been revealed, and I am no longer color-blind. This is the last day of fall. This is the last day to see the changing colors of the leaves before they disappear from the trees.

Follow the trend!!!!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 07:21:37 GMT

Ok, so I'm shortening this up... What do you remember about me??? Go for it... I don't care if it's the good, the bad, or the horrifying; just lemme know what you remember.

Wasted away again in margarita-ville

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 11:09:27 GMT

...Looking constantly at the time.... It's later than I hoped.... It's cold... I'm out...

Halloween!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 23:13:42 GMT

Vanessa was a lady bug and I was (at first) a butterfly to match. I had tried to dress as a lady bug myself, but I felt I looked more buterfly-ish than lady bug-ish (even with the pink and black polka-dotted dress I was wearing). We spent the first half of the day playing together, running around and destroying the house, then Randy came by and we helped him with his costume. Jeanette was getting ready herself, and Jayna was at our friend Erica's house getting her hair done. We had a couple trick-or-treaters come by when we got the call. Party at Jose's! It was his birthday so he decided to have a Halloween-Birthday party. I set Vanessa down for bed, put the finishing touches on Randy's costume, waited for Jeanette to finish getting ready herself then set off. It was actually pretty dull when we got there. We wished Jose a Happy Birthday and Jay gave him his gift. A 24 pack of...... Water! He drinks alot of it so it was more of a gag gift since it was his 21st birthday. Things finally started to pick up as more people arrived. Smoked some hookah with some of the noobs. Ozzie and Nate, I beleive were their names. A couple trick-or-treaters had come by, and we had no candy so I came up with the idea to have Randy (in his slayer/demon-esque costume) answer the door with the case of beer and tell the kids that that was all that was available. We never did it. We wound up ditching the party early and went home to eat. We had batter-dipped fish portions (aka large fish sticks) and crashed out for bed.

Total alcohol consumption for the night: 2 1/2 shots of Southern Comfort, 1 Screwdriver, & 4 beers

State after alcohol consumption: Drunk, but not too drunk

Follow the fad damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 03:42:55 GMT

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.8
Mind:	6
Body:	8
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	6.8
Love:	6.9
Finance:	5.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Nanet's birthday weekend.....

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 07:56:12 GMT

...or what I can remember. Which honestly is not half as much as I will be reporting. Fortunately I hang out with enough people who can tell me what I did in my drunken stuper.

Friday:Mood~("Pissy") Went to BJ's, waited about 2 hours to be seated cuz we kept having to change how many people were in our party, ate clam chowder and had a Pina Colada, watched Randy and Andrew(aka our Matt Damon/Mark Walberg look alike) take on a small drinking contsest, got to join one where Erica and I faced off with our partnering males, went to Chris's to go ride the Party Bus out to Riverside, had a few shots of E&J, had a couple Screwdrivers, and had a few Flying Bulls, went and had some Smirnoff Triple Black or Ice (honestly the rest is all a faded memory and this is the part that was told to me), got in a mosh pit and took out a couple people, poured a bottle (or half of one) of Smirnoff on Randy, got in a fight and had my star stud earring ripped out of my ear in the process, had to help hold Randy down due to his extreme anger the five dudes that tried to take him on, Party Bus ran out of gas... still in Riverside, got a ride back to Chris's then back home...... *

Saturday: Mood~("Depressed") Called a couple people to get directions to the party out in Moreno Beach, got there by the time the Popo broke it up, went back to Chris's and waited for everyone else to arrive at the broken party, made best friends with Mr. Mowhawk (I wish I had gotten his name) cuz he gave me my first drop of alcohol for the night, got some Christian Brothers from Erica, used the beer obtained prior from M&M as a chaser for the CB........ *

""(mood I was in but will not express as to why unless asked)

*(There's more but will not go into detail unless asked cuz kind of embarassed at how drunk I had obviously gotten........)

How depressing....

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 22:08:39 GMT

...I love the rain. Especially during times of uncertainty and morbid depression. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to have a place of my own, a man I can come home to/can come home to me... to call my husband. I'm ready to have a family. I need it. I want it. But I want it to be right. I want a happy life. Not rich, happy. I want to see the man that I love and love him. I want to watch my daughter grow into a beautiful young woman and guide her. I don't want doubt, resentment, distrust, or despair. I know what I want, but I don't know how to get it. I'm still too immature to get it properly. So I have to wait. Wait until I'm ready. Truly ready. Until I'm mature enough. God, make it soon, cuz I want it.... no, I need it now.

Wasted away again in margarita-ville

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 19:36:18 GMT

No food + *21 Sec-up + hookah = ????????

Yea, last night was fun.... I think

*copyright 2005
*21 Sec-up is a tenokolee creation

Ask Noko for more details

Mo Val Fires

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 20:42:53 GMT

So there was this huge fire (well not huge, but pretty large and widespread) near where I live. very near. As in I went up and parked on the side of the road and got a heat rash. Not really, but you know what I mean. It was close. I actually drove up and parked on the side of the road to watch. I love fire. At some points it looked like mgma flowing down the hillside while on the opposite end solar flares licked up to be seen from the opposing side. As the fire began to subside the hill looked as if the sun had crashed into the very earth itself.... it was gorgeous. It snowed ash from the redlands down to the base and possibly further on, but all-in-all it was beautiul. I love fire.

Again......

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 06:35:12 GMT

I was out party-ing last night and got really drunk. I mean really drunk. I had apparently drinken To-kill-ya, and I know this due to the hang-over. I woke up this morning hung-under-the-weather, and bruised on me leg. From what? I don't know, but I had apparently done some.... um... home stuff. I think I'm finally breaking through! I'll ask more tonight on what I did exactly and maybe I'll know where the bruise came from. Ryan were you at the party... bad joke.

V-babe's 1 Year

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 23:39:59 GMT

It started when my parents left for Tahoe. At 5 in the morning. Vanessa got covered in chocolate and we got pics. We're getting spaghetti to get pics of her covered in it for me mum. The actual day was pretty chill. We cleaned the house. ALOT. Actually Randy pretty much did it all, but he refuses to take credit. We then went and ran errands (getting party favors....). Vanessa was sooooooo cute and we had our friends gather around and give praise to the Goddess of Perfection. She then went to bed at around 9:30-10pm. Then the real party started. I got sooooo schnaufuckered. But it was loads of fun... at least the part I remember. ^_^ We'll probably do it again tomarrow, and maybe Thursday. I'll probably miss the fun part of it thurs. though cuz I work that night. But then again there's Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... but then again I never know when I work cuz I'm on call. >,< Sux, but oh well, money's money. Gotta go prep for tonight. My house is soooo clean! I hope it stays this way.....

Well...

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 00:46:37 GMT

Hey it happened
I'm feeling glad
I've got sunshine
in a bag
I'm useless
but not for long
the future
is coming on......

I'm getting divorced, but everything will be fine.
We will stay friends. We will date other people.
But it will be ok. Everyone will be happier this way.
He won't have to suffer me, and I can sleep without crying.
I just want to make sure Vanessa will be ok. We will share custody.
I hope that I can find someone she will like. I can only hope....

Let's get wasted and have anonymous sex!!!!

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 04:00:51 GMT

Sorry, I'm bored. But I'm X-tremely happy! I've been shooting pool, bowling, and party-ing like crazy!!!! I don't have to hide my secret night-life from me dad no more! He knows, and doesn't care... so long as I'm back before 6am ^.^'>

Dood!

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:34:08 GMT

Ok so yesterday got better once I decided to just say "meh" about my father's bitch-rant. He's an asshole, why get upset over an asshole's words? I must admit I did get upset, but thanks to that I had a blast! I went out with Jeanette, V-babe, and Randy(isn't that the most awesome name ever?!) to shoot some pool. I haven't played in sooo long(like in years!!!!) yet I still got off some decent shots! Later Jayna and my mom joined us. We played against this group of guys there and we're all, "Ok, winner buys the next game" then the tie-breaker game(cuz it was just back and forth, we win, they win...ect.)...... "Loser buys beer, winners choice!" We won.... *^_^* We were all worried we were gonna lose so we kept trying to convince my mom to join(she rocks so hard in that game) but she was all, "I'll just watch the baby, it wouldn't be fair, you were all playing first." But we still won anyway sooooo.... *^_^* After that we all went home then later that night went to Chris's house to meet up and go to another party, but we all wound up staying at his place talking and drinking. Ha! That loser didn't even get there till like 1am, and by then we were all ready to leave; it was just too slow paced! All-in-all though... it was a good day.... except for my dad being an asshole at like 6 am when Jeanette got back from the party the previous night.

My beer is ok!

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:29:11 GMT

Ok so Friday night... The first half of the night I was pretty fucked up. I was sooooo out of it, then something happened that sobered me up quick. Someone had shoved my big sister into the pool. With a beer in her hand. Fully clothed. With her cell phone in her pocket. It was the same guy who had smacked her ass as she walked by his chair. Apparently she was guarding our friend, Randy (isn't that the most awesome name ever?!?!?!), 's case of beer as he went to go take a leak or somethin', and he kept harassing her to give him one. This dude, Angel, was already drunk off his ass (obviously if he'll smack another girls' ass in front of his girlfriend) so it's understandable if he acts like a fucking moron, but then thing escalated. She sitting, driking her beer and he asks her to go over and talk to him (by then Randy had gotten his beers back and we were drinkin them with a few other people in the living room while this other shit was happening out side... *WHOO!* long side note there, huh?), so she goes and says, "Just don't push me in the pool", he says he won't so she proceeds to move closer..... He was drunk. Still not an excuse to be a dick. She gets wet, gets pissed and gets out. She came storming in the living room and so I ask what was wrong. She tells me the whole story and by george I'm sober! I get up, Jeanette and Randy behind me telling me to calm down and I go to "talk" to the guy. He starts off right away when he see's me with, "It was a joke! It was funny!" He's drunk. I'm all, "How was that funny? Why would you do something like that? I don't see her laughing, so I don't think she thinks it was funny..... etc."... when all of a sudden some fat blob (His girlfriend) gets in my face and starts yelling at me. At that moment I feel someone garb a hold of me and pull me back. Smart move. Randy kept my arms imobilized, but my mouth was out of his control. I keep trying to tell the bitch that I'm trying to talk to her boyfriend and find out why he's a fucking dickfor, and she continues to yell at me. Her sister/friend (I'm not sure which she was) steps in and apologizes for that jackasses actions explaining that he's drunk. Really drunk. Jeanette beckons for me so I go as Randy goes in to ask Angel to appologize to her. Things die down for a second and I go to talk (calmly) to his girlfriend about how she needs to be careful with her boy with how drunk he is, cuz he might go and do something stupid. As we talked I see him lurching around us and towards my sister. I didn't think anything of it until I hear chairs breaking and bodies being slammed into the ground. I then see Randy and Angel rolling on the groung decking each other. I check to see if Jeanette got hurt, cuz she was right there when the fray began. It was finally broken up as Angel's friend Rico (He's pretty chill) dragged him away while his girlfriend started to bitch at him. I start heading to the house when all of a sudden... *SMACK* right on my ass. I turned and there was Angel with his girlfriend. I start going off, "See?! That's the stupid shit I was talking about! What is your problem?! W-" when Jayna steps in. She had been sleeping almost the whole time. "Calm down and go inside" she tells me. She then turns to Angel and said authoritively, "I saw that." That was all I needed to hear, so I went in as she bitched him into nothing. Will (one of Chris's roomates) sets up his hookah and we gather to enjoy the apple apple tobacco. This was when I learned that Randy's friend Will (yes, there's 2) was the one attacked. Rico comes in to appologize to Will and Randy for his friend's drunken stupidity. The Hookah Circle made peace ^_^ and that was Friday night... in a nutshell. A BIG nutshell.

Wow!

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 16:51:53 GMT

I remember nothing!!!!! I was really out of it last night. I keep having dreams about my brother... is he here???? Ok, so I'm still a bit out of it. But that might explain the way I've been feeling and acting.... Oh well. One never knows.

OMG! I'm Kamui with a hat! Fuma, come take it off! The hat too.... ^.~

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 01:54:05 GMT

You're Ryoma!

(Prince of Tennis) Which Seigaku Regular are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm in the OC today...

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 10:44:07 GMT

If anyone gets bored and decides to head to Foothill Ranch, or they want to see perfection whose name is Vanessa, then hit me up!

(949)290-8876
p.s. it's me mum's cell #

Life is but a dream...

Promise...

Well...

....

Do you hear what I hear?

New Year

*blush*

Vengeful

Follow the trend!!!!

Wasted away again in margarita-ville

Halloween!!!!!!!!!

Follow the fad damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nanet's birthday weekend.....

How depressing....

Wasted away again in margarita-ville

Mo Val Fires

Again......

V-babe's 1 Year

Well...

Let's get wasted and have anonymous sex!!!!

Dood!

My beer is ok!

Wow!

OMG! I'm Kamui with a hat! Fuma, come take it off! The hat too.... ^.~

I'm in the OC today...

blush