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[26 Feb 2006|05:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 *sigh* |
] |
*sigh* To not have slept and still need to have energy for the morning when my precious awakens.... *sigh* I want to sleep, but my unrest is from my concern, my displeasment.... *sigh* No matter what I'm in the wrong.... No one has any idea how much it sucks to be wrong all the time.... *sigh* I just don't want to doubt anymore, I want to believe in him, I don't want to be mad... *frustrated sigh* It doesn't matter because I'm the bad guy, I'm the one making faulty decisions, that's how it's always been.... *sigh*
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| Promise... |
[10 Feb 2006|03:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Engaged |
] |
He made me a promise
A promise without words
A promise in a token
He made me a promise
The promise of a future
The promise of happiness
He made me a promise
He placed it on my hand
He sealed it with a kiss
He gave me his love
He gave me his kiss
He gave me his word
He made me a promise
...when will he break it along with my heart?
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| Well... |
[03 Feb 2006|12:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Recovering |
] |
Yesterday was exhausting, but it ended splendidly. I'm still in a bit of pain, nothing serious, just sore and cramping. I'll be fine, because I have the greatest support system out here. I have people who are giving me a chance to recover. People who try not to wake me when they get up to leave for work, but when they do with a kiss on my forehead, stay a few extra minutes to make sure I fall asleep in their embrace. I am happy. Truly happy. Vanessa is happy and healthy and surrounded by love, and I have found a happiness that makes me believe in love again. Life is truly good. I'm moving forward and succeeding in life.
|
|
| .... |
[26 Jan 2006|10:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 meh |
] |
...life is the short cycle of misery that comes before you choose eternal misery or eternal bliss
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| Do you hear what I hear? |
[13 Jan 2006|12:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Done listening to nothing |
] |
Go ahead.
Call me a bitch,
a cunt,
a whore.
It doesn't matter,
because all I can hear from nothing is nothing.
Waste your breath,
redden your face,
raise your voice.
It doesn't matter,
because all I can hear from nothing is nothing.
Plead,
demand,
cry.
It doesn't matter,
because until you're worth something you're nothing.
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|
| New Year |
[01 Jan 2006|11:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Hot tea sounds nice right now |
] |
I was sick. I actually spent most of my new year tending to Randy, whose ailment I shared in a lesser quality. I went to bed at around 10 pm (after a couple glasses or so of some White Zinfandel), and awoke at around 10 am this morning (and had another glass of White Zinfandel... then shared a glass of Sangria falvored Zin. by Arbour Mist). Rented a couple movies, went back to my house cuz Randy's DVD player was on the fritz, and vegged for a while. Heard a bitching from my dad, left to grab some food, returned to find my beautiful baby waiting for me at home. Played with Vanessa, put her to bed, vegged some more, and read some Calvin & Hobbes. Boring day, but a happy new year. I feel that (though I was sick) the way I started my new year was a preview of new years to come... except I'll let Vanessa stay up with me when I feel she's old enough. I pray this year will be a better one.
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|
| *blush* |
[20 Dec 2005|01:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
touched |
] |
It's a wonderful feeling, being missed.
I haven't felt this way in a while, being wanted.
It's such a nice feeling, being needed.
I like feeling this way, being loved.
Feeling. Being.
~Tenoko
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| Vengeful |
[30 Nov 2005|01:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Empty |
] |
Not really anymore. Though my dreams may hold violent behavior, I don't feel that need. I don't care to repay those who have hurt or betrayed me. It's expected of them, as it is expected of me to take it. I know who it is I can trust and rely on in certain aspects. I also know who I cannot. So I no longer expect any real loyalty from any one person anymore. True colors have been revealed, and I am no longer color-blind. This is the last day of fall. This is the last day to see the changing colors of the leaves before they disappear from the trees.
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| Follow the trend!!!! |
[09 Nov 2005|11:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Hot cocoa on a cold day |
] |
Ok, so I'm shortening this up... What do you remember about me??? Go for it... I don't care if it's the good, the bad, or the horrifying; just lemme know what you remember.
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| Halloween!!!!!!!!! |
[01 Nov 2005|02:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Drunk enough to be tired today |
] |
Vanessa was a lady bug and I was (at first) a butterfly to match. I had tried to dress as a lady bug myself, but I felt I looked more buterfly-ish than lady bug-ish (even with the pink and black polka-dotted dress I was wearing). We spent the first half of the day playing together, running around and destroying the house, then Randy came by and we helped him with his costume. Jeanette was getting ready herself, and Jayna was at our friend Erica's house getting her hair done. We had a couple trick-or-treaters come by when we got the call. Party at Jose's! It was his birthday so he decided to have a Halloween-Birthday party. I set Vanessa down for bed, put the finishing touches on Randy's costume, waited for Jeanette to finish getting ready herself then set off. It was actually pretty dull when we got there. We wished Jose a Happy Birthday and Jay gave him his gift. A 24 pack of...... Water! He drinks alot of it so it was more of a gag gift since it was his 21st birthday. Things finally started to pick up as more people arrived. Smoked some hookah with some of the noobs. Ozzie and Nate, I beleive were their names. A couple trick-or-treaters had come by, and we had no candy so I came up with the idea to have Randy (in his slayer/demon-esque costume) answer the door with the case of beer and tell the kids that that was all that was available. We never did it. We wound up ditching the party early and went home to eat. We had batter-dipped fish portions (aka large fish sticks) and crashed out for bed.
Total alcohol consumption for the night: 2 1/2 shots of Southern Comfort, 1 Screwdriver, & 4 beers
State after alcohol consumption: Drunk, but not too drunk
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|
| Nanet's birthday weekend..... |
[25 Oct 2005|12:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
What happened??? |
] |
...or what I can remember. Which honestly is not half as much as I will be reporting. Fortunately I hang out with enough people who can tell me what I did in my drunken stuper.
Friday:Mood~("Pissy") Went to BJ's, waited about 2 hours to be seated cuz we kept having to change how many people were in our party, ate clam chowder and had a Pina Colada, watched Randy and Andrew(aka our Matt Damon/Mark Walberg look alike) take on a small drinking contsest, got to join one where Erica and I faced off with our partnering males, went to Chris's to go ride the Party Bus out to Riverside, had a few shots of E&J, had a couple Screwdrivers, and had a few Flying Bulls, went and had some Smirnoff Triple Black or Ice (honestly the rest is all a faded memory and this is the part that was told to me), got in a mosh pit and took out a couple people, poured a bottle (or half of one) of Smirnoff on Randy, got in a fight and had my star stud earring ripped out of my ear in the process, had to help hold Randy down due to his extreme anger the five dudes that tried to take him on, Party Bus ran out of gas... still in Riverside, got a ride back to Chris's then back home...... *
Saturday: Mood~("Depressed") Called a couple people to get directions to the party out in Moreno Beach, got there by the time the Popo broke it up, went back to Chris's and waited for everyone else to arrive at the broken party, made best friends with Mr. Mowhawk (I wish I had gotten his name) cuz he gave me my first drop of alcohol for the night, got some Christian Brothers from Erica, used the beer obtained prior from M&M as a chaser for the CB........ *
""(mood I was in but will not express as to why unless asked)
*(There's more but will not go into detail unless asked cuz kind of embarassed at how drunk I had obviously gotten........)
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|
| How depressing.... |
[17 Oct 2005|02:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 heart-broken |
] |
...I love the rain. Especially during times of uncertainty and morbid depression. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to have a place of my own, a man I can come home to/can come home to me... to call my husband. I'm ready to have a family. I need it. I want it. But I want it to be right. I want a happy life. Not rich, happy. I want to see the man that I love and love him. I want to watch my daughter grow into a beautiful young woman and guide her. I don't want doubt, resentment, distrust, or despair. I know what I want, but I don't know how to get it. I'm still too immature to get it properly. So I have to wait. Wait until I'm ready. Truly ready. Until I'm mature enough. God, make it soon, cuz I want it.... no, I need it now.
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|
| Wasted away again in margarita-ville |
[08 Oct 2005|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 What happened??? |
] |
No food + *21 Sec-up + hookah = ????????
Yea, last night was fun.... I think
*copyright 2005
*21 Sec-up is a tenokolee creation
Ask Noko for more details
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| Mo Val Fires |
[06 Oct 2005|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 I'm on fire!!!!!!!! |
] |
So there was this huge fire (well not huge, but pretty large and widespread) near where I live. very near. As in I went up and parked on the side of the road and got a heat rash. Not really, but you know what I mean. It was close. I actually drove up and parked on the side of the road to watch. I love fire. At some points it looked like mgma flowing down the hillside while on the opposite end solar flares licked up to be seen from the opposing side. As the fire began to subside the hill looked as if the sun had crashed into the very earth itself.... it was gorgeous. It snowed ash from the redlands down to the base and possibly further on, but all-in-all it was beautiul. I love fire.
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|
| Again...... |
[02 Oct 2005|11:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hung-over,under, in, and out |
] |
I was out party-ing last night and got really drunk. I mean really drunk. I had apparently drinken To-kill-ya, and I know this due to the hang-over. I woke up this morning hung-under-the-weather, and bruised on me leg. From what? I don't know, but I had apparently done some.... um... home stuff. I think I'm finally breaking through! I'll ask more tonight on what I did exactly and maybe I'll know where the bruise came from. Ryan were you at the party... bad joke.
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|
| V-babe's 1 Year |
[21 Sep 2005|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
What happened again??? |
] |
It started when my parents left for Tahoe. At 5 in the morning. Vanessa got covered in chocolate and we got pics. We're getting spaghetti to get pics of her covered in it for me mum. The actual day was pretty chill. We cleaned the house. ALOT. Actually Randy pretty much did it all, but he refuses to take credit. We then went and ran errands (getting party favors....). Vanessa was sooooooo cute and we had our friends gather around and give praise to the Goddess of Perfection. She then went to bed at around 9:30-10pm. Then the real party started. I got sooooo schnaufuckered. But it was loads of fun... at least the part I remember. ^_^ We'll probably do it again tomarrow, and maybe Thursday. I'll probably miss the fun part of it thurs. though cuz I work that night. But then again there's Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... but then again I never know when I work cuz I'm on call. >,< Sux, but oh well, money's money. Gotta go prep for tonight. My house is soooo clean! I hope it stays this way.....
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|
| Well... |
[16 Sep 2005|05:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
What can I say??? |
] |
Hey it happened
I'm feeling glad
I've got sunshine
in a bag
I'm useless
but not for long
the future
is coming on......
I'm getting divorced, but everything will be fine.
We will stay friends. We will date other people.
But it will be ok. Everyone will be happier this way.
He won't have to suffer me, and I can sleep without crying.
I just want to make sure Vanessa will be ok. We will share custody.
I hope that I can find someone she will like. I can only hope....
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| Let's get wasted and have anonymous sex!!!! |
[31 Aug 2005|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Yes!!!! |
] |
Sorry, I'm bored. But I'm X-tremely happy! I've been shooting pool, bowling, and party-ing like crazy!!!! I don't have to hide my secret night-life from me dad no more! He knows, and doesn't care... so long as I'm back before 6am ^.^'>
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demon_tenoko's journal
So very lonely
Halloween Party tonight!!!!!!!
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